Feeling Sad

I don't know if I am suppose to blog about this kind of stuff, but since nobody follows me anyways, I am going to blog about this because it is therapeutic. 


Even though I did not want the Alpacas, I did not want anything bad to happen to them either. However our dogs got out and killed some of them. It made me sick to my stomach because they just did it for sport. To say that I was very upset with them would be an understatement. I locked them in their kennel and got my middle son's girlfriend to come pick up his dog, a St. Bernard that would not leave them alone. My husband is out of town and I had to have my 2nd son come over and shoot one of them that was suffering. Anyhow, I could not eat last night, and I felt ill over it all. Then last night after I went to bed I kept hearing barking and high pitched squealing and yelping. I thought it was the dogs, upset that they were locked in the kennel. I tried to sleep and ignore them but they were very loud and no matter how hard I tried, I could not sleep. I have a hard time sleeping when my husband is away at the best of times. I kept thinking they would tire themselves out and quit. They didn't!  Finally, about 2:30 am, I got up and went out on the deck to yell at them. That is when I realized it was not the dogs but coyotes. I had a flashlight and I turned it on them but they just kept barking and yelping. It was too dark for me to see anything so I got the shotgun and fired it in the direction of their yelping. They moved over to the the north end of the yard but kept yelping. I fired again in their direction and they shut up. It was late and I went to bed. 


This morning, when I drove my son to school, we noticed that the alpacas were missing. After I got home I found them all dead, up in the corner of the pen we had them in. I feel so sad and bad and ill and horrible. Poor little alpacas, not a very nice way to go. And I feel so guilty, like somehow I should have prevented it, although I don't know how. Life out here is not always what it is cracked up to be. Sometimes it is just lonely and sad.